50 Questions to Ask your Spouse on a Date Night
ATTENTION READER: This blog post went viral 2 years ago. Since that time it has consistently generated an average of 1,500 hits per day. Obviously, this material is something that people want and need. If you are interested in learning more about our perspective on Marriage and Romance, please check out my book – Intimacy in Marriage.
NOW FOR THE ORIGINAL POST:
Today at Starbucks I met with a few guys to discuss how what we have been studying on Sunday mornings at Capshaw practically applies to our lives. One of the big things we discovered was the need for very open communication and date nights with our spouses. To help with that I want to share this list of 50 questions that are to be discussed with your spouse while the two of you are alone. Don’t try to tackle too many in one setting. It’s actually best if you just get through a few but really talk in detail. Let me warn you that a couple of the questions are specifically only for married couples.
1. What are your 5 favorite foods, with the most favorite first?
2. What are your 5 favorite kinds of meals, with the most favorite first?
3. What are your 5 favorite desserts, with the most favorite first?
4. What are your 5 favorite restaurants, with the most favorite first?
5. What is your favorite color?
6. What are your 5 favorite hobbies, with the most favorite first?
7. What are your 5 favorite recreations, with the most favorite first?
8. What are your 5 favorite sources of reading, with the most favorite first?
9. What gifts do you like?
10. What is your favorite books(s) of the Bible? Why?
11. What is your favorite verse(s) of the Bible? Why?
12. What is your favorite song?
13. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a woman/man?
14. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a wife/husband?
15. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a mother/father?
16. What makes you saddest as a woman/man?
17. What makes you saddest as a wife/husband?
18. What makes you saddest as a mother/father?
19. What do you fear the most?
20. What other fears do you have?
21. What do you look forward to the most?
22. How much sleep do you need?
23. What do you consider to be your skills?
24. What do you believe to be your spiritual gifts?
25. What are your weaknesses?
26. To ask wife: What things (personal, home, car, etc.) need repairing?
To ask husband: What things around the home need to be cleaned?
27. To ask wife: With what chores and responsibilities do you like my help?
To ask husband: How can I make it easier for you to lead our family?
28. What caresses do you enjoy the most?
29. What caresses do you enjoy the least?
30. What action of mine provides you the greatest sexual pleasure?
31. What other things stimulate you sexually?
32. At what times do you need assurance of my love the most?
33. How can that love be shown?
34. What can I do that will make it easier to discuss and work on areas or problems that are uncomfortable to you?
35. What concerns do you have that I do not seem interested in?
36. What things do I do that irritate you?
37. What desires do you have that we haven’t discussed?
38. What do you enjoy doing with me, with the most enjoyable first?
39. What things can I do that show my appreciation of you?
40. What varying desires (spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectual, social, worth,
appreciational, recreational, security, etc.) would you like me to provide?
41. To ask wife: In what ways would you like me to protect you (physically, spiritually, socially, emotionally)?
To ask husband: In what ways would you like me to respect and reverence you?
42. In what ways would you like me to sacrifice for you?
43. What things do you see by my actions that I place first in my life?
44. What implied or unspoken desires and wishes of yours would you like for me to
fulfill?
45. What concerns and interests of yours would you like me to support?
46. How much time would be good for us to spend together each day?
47. In helping family members to use their skills and develop their abilities, what
motivating factors would be helpful for me to use?
48. What can I do that provides the greatest comfort and encouragement for you when
you are hurt, fearful, anxious or worried?
49. What personal habits do I have that you would like changed?
50. What ways demonstrate to you that you are a very important person who is as important or more important than I am?
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This post went viral on a few social networks a couple of years ago. Since that time, this post alone regularly receives over 4000 hits per day. Hundreds of people have commented on this post. Most have been very kind and encouraging. Some have leveled stiff criticisms over the fact that some of the questions seem to assume that the husband has certain roles and responsibilities and the wife others. Please understand that this list was written for a particular group of people within a particular church where these questions are understood within our context. This wasn’t written to be a dissertation on gender roles, or biblical responsibilities. If you would like a full explanation of our position on gender roles, it is best represented here – http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/seminars/sexual-complementarity-part-1
All comments to this post have been deleted, and no others will be posted.
I’m very pleased if this list was of any help to you. If you are offended by the wording of certain questions, I encourage you to write your own list that reflects your personal position and respect my right to post these questions.
With deep respect,
Zach Terry
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