Practical Pastoral Advice on Parenting

Today is Cole’s first day at Soccer. As he awoke this morning I was at his side. The first thing I asked him was, “Cole, what is the most important thing about soccer?”, he said, “what Daddy?”. I told him the most important thing about Soccer is glorifying Jesus. I told him that it is important that you remember there will be kids on your team that have never heard about Jesus. I told him that it was important that he respects and honors his coach. I told him that Jesus is glorified when we play with all our heart. My point is to kill the potential tendency in his heart toward idolatry. I had the same conversation with Carly about ballet.

 

Idols are anything that we will place as the center of our personal solar system other than God. They are things that we revolve around. Christ demands to be our central orbit and His Word to be our center of gravity, but the moment that any created thing becomes the center you are practically an idolater. As a Parent we must take extreme caution not to make idolaters out of our children. Never allow any activity to become that which life rotates around.

 

Potential dangers can be – sports, pageants, video games, clubs, boyfriend/girlfriend, even family can become the center of our lives if we are not careful. We must fight to keep Jesus at the center.

 

Practical advice for various ages –

 

1. Children -
   1. Toys, games, sports are so exciting and helpful to develop the child’s abilities, but they can also quickly become idols. Be aware of this.
   2. Intentionally don’t give in to every cry for more.
   3. Keep their interest varied, rather than allowing one activity to become pervasive.
   4. If they misuse a toy or hurt other children be ruthless in eliminating the toy.

For example, Cole has toy guns but if he ever aims and shoots one at another person it is thrown away without debate.

Remind them that God is the source of all good things and they are given to us for our benefit to be used in moderation.

1. Teens -
   1. Typically at this age kids will either retreat or advance. They either want to hide in a virtual world of internet and video games or they want to advance into relationships that often they are either not ready for or can feed dangerous tenancies. They advance through chat rooms, cell phones, hang out times, ect.
   2. Keep privacy limited, especially with computers. I recommend that you place a computer in a very public area so that anyone can observe what the child is doing on the screen.
   3. Make them begin to earn their own way. If they have games, cell phones, ect. – make them pay for them by working for you as the parent.
   4. Place limits on the amount of time they can enjoy each of these items.
   5. Keep Christ at the center. Practically, don’t put Church or Youth Group on the back burner for the sake of heavy involvement in other activities. You are sending a subtle message to the kids about God’s place in your lives. Allow them to be involved in various activities, but insist that Church always comes first.
   6. Teens feel more than think. That is why they will do things that make absolutely no sense. If you can’t figure out why they do certain things, please understand they do it because it “feels” good. That is why they play video games for hours, that is why they can’t get off the phone. Never mock the fact that what they are doing is fun or makes them feel good. That is why sometimes I advise parents to play their video games, get acquainted with their social networking websites, learn what is fun about them. Then you can better help them to manage their fun in moderation.
   7. Teens have a tendency toward escapism. Games provide a quick escape from present reality into another “virtual” world as do drugs, sex, music, gambling. Try to understand what a hellish thing the world can be for a teenager. Remember the mocking that you received from the world. Try to provide healthy ways they can escape in moderation. Jesus told his disciples to “come apart” for a while. What do you think they did on those vacations? The scriptures don’t tell us, but image it was fun, relaxing and a break from the chaos of full time ministry.

 

STAY CLOSE TO THEIR HEART. Let the kid see you growing spiritually, let them hear you pray, let them witness you witnessing. Remember they are on loan to you – they ultimately belong to God so you are in a sense a Pastor to your child. A Pastor must know both how to love and feed the sheep, but he must also be able to flip the staff over and kill a potential wolf.

 

Recommended Resource:

• Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp
• Logged in a Tuned Out by Vicki Courtney
• For Parents Only by Shaunti Feldham and Lisa Rice
• Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham Jr.

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